An obsession to pull - trichotillomania

Something I have always suspected... A lingering obsession with certain strands.

When I was young and hitting puberty this obsession started. I would run my fingers over strands in my crown. And occasionally I would have the urge to pull them out. I remember reading a magazine article in a mag like cosmo about trichotillomania and thought ~ is that me? No no. That's not me. I don't have bald spots. I don't pull out clumps. Definitely not me. Fast forward to 2017. One of my best and busiest career years. My father passes away suddenly. Here I am driving and pulling out my hair. Once again in my crown. More than ever before. The urge stronger. After I pull out a satisfactory, course, oddly textured strand I have to play with it. Run it through my fingers. I notice this obsession. This urge that seems so new yet not new at all. Forgotten. From the moment my father passed away until now has been an almost non stop flow of film. Which I am forever thankful for. My father passed away in spring and I started a new show a few days later. Flying out of province in between work days. Leaving again for the funeral in the middle of filming. Coming back to finish the show. Then starting a new TV series shortly after. The prep, 15+ hour days, and demands of this series was intense. It was mentally and physically taxing. During the show I would feel my hand creep back up to that familiar spot on top of my head. Play with strands between my fingers and sometimes pull one. I told the head of makeup (and a very close friend) to keep an eye out for my behaviour. She did her best. She would yell at me - DO YOU WANT A BALD SPOT??? Sometimes I would pull the hairs through my fingers with the occasional pull. On very stressful days the urge was stronger. I would have to put my hair up to cover the spot that was the most tempting. And I noticed that once I covered the crown I would start to pull the hair at the temples. I don't know why I have this obsession. I do know that it was dormant for a long long time. The stress and sadness over my father's death triggered it. Work stress triggers it. The car is a place I tend to do it. Or while reading scripts and paperwork. I have fought the urge the entire time I have been writing. I thought that because I haven't caused bald patches that trichotillomania wasn't me.

As my work with hair loss clients has continued and expanded I have come to learn more about trichotillomania. One of my clients goes into a trance while watching tv and doesn't even realize that she is doing it until she looks down and sees the pile of hair on the floor. Most clients will not pull if access to their hair is limited - ie. we do a semi permanent attachment of a wig. By attaching a wig to their head they don't have access to their bio hair and don't pull. They do not pull the wig hair. It does not give the same satisfaction. One of my clients has been able to stop her pulling and after a couple years has gone back to her bio hair! My fingers are crossed that she has learned some new coping techniques. One of my other clients has been pulling for so long that she has scarring alopecia in the areas of repeated pulling. She is happy with her wigs. Trich is more common than you think and yet it fills sufferers with shame and guilt.

There are ways to get help.

Properly manage stress
Take a high quality full spectrum multivitamin
Notice your triggers and find ways to mentally stop the urge
Remove the access to your bio hair with a wig, topper, or hair system that stays on for weeks at a time
Speak to a doctor to explore medications or therapies that can help

I wanted to share my story to shed some light on this condition. This obsession. This urge that comes to me under stress. When I manage stress properly and tackle any lingering emotional turmoil the urges disappear.

Thank you for reading - A obsession to pull - trichotillomania.